Emily says...

I decided to keep a regular spot here for my "Emily-isms".

"I mean, this Easter bunny thing is kinda creepin me out. He just breaks into our house while we're sleeping?"

I was telling her that her martial arts place is having another tournament. So, she said, "I might do it. If I won, would you buy me a piece of wood..(pause) or a cactus?" ---ps, don't most kids ask for things like candy and necklaces?

 

"That's the wasp that stung the f*ck out of you!" Me: "Emily, don't say that word." Emily: "But (insert name here) told me that I can't say heck or hell." -- so apparently she figures if she can't say heck or hell, f*ck is a good substitute.

 

 "Mom, you know what my favorite things in the whole world are? You and water."

 "People say that I can't dig a hole to China, and I know that, I get it! But I *can* dig a hole that still goes back to Texas. Okay? I mean, really, I can just dig a hole, it doesn't have to go to China or something."

 

"Mommy, for my birthday, I want cool things like toasters, vacuums and things.  I don't want baby things like toys."

 

We were driving home and saw an animal on the side of the road. Emily asked if it was dead, and I said that I was pretty sure it was. She said, "we should go back and poke it with a stick"

 

"Mom, don't you wish that birds had a thing where when they lose a feather, another bird finds it and puts it in a special place - like a lost and found for birds - so they can find their feathers?"

 

"You know what I am? I'm a martial arts princess!"

 

"I'm so happy I brushed my teeth! When I didn't brush my teeth, my cheeks never looked so healthy. Now ...they look healthy and my chin looks healthy too."

 

"Socks make my toes get mad at my feet. That's why I don't like socks, mom."

 

"Mom, Kroger must make a lot of money, cause they are right by martial arts." ---- so now we know where all Kroger's business comes from!

 

Emily has been obsessed with having a salt water tank. So, we set up one of our tanks for her to put some live rock in. She wants me to look up all possible information on saltwater aquariums for her. So she said, "Mom, I need to tell you, though: Having a tank is a big responsibility."

 

Mom, daddy said he doesn't have any money. Why doesn't he have any money when he works all the time? Do you take it all away from him? 

"mom, I'm trying to be like a ninja"

 

We were in the kitchen and she was asking me about why I decided not to be vegetarian anymore (after years and years of being one). I was explaining, so she thought a moment and said, "okay, I'm going to be a vegetarian from now on." She sat there for about 15 seconds and said, all desparately, "oh maaaan, I just can't handle it anymore! Okay, I won't be a vegetarian."

 

I'm not sure you'll ever hear this from any other kid: "Mom, can I please do more school work? I wanna do more school work tonight."

 

I was sitting here pretending to hear and know what Emily was saying. Apparently she had asked me some sort of question pertaining to whatever it was she was talking about. I think she may have repeated her question a few times, and each time I answered with "mmmm hmmm" as though I were listening. All of a sudden, she says, "Mom, focus!"

 

"mom, I can't imagine what it would be like not to like science. I mean, look at the sky: It's white. That's no big deal, the sky is white. But if you like science, you think 'why is the sky white?' and that's science. You wonder why about everything, even things that people don't think about."

Tony was saying that he's getting fat, so Emily said, "no daddy, you're not fat!  You just weigh a lot."




Mommy, when I grow up, I'm going to have 30 acres of land and I'm going to have a little house or a big house.  You won't like the smell of my house, though, because I'm going to have a lot of animals.  And, when I grow up, will you be a good grandma for my kids?  You have to have a house with an apple tree for my kids.  They need an apple tree.  

Emily was telling me that she liked it when I did certain things and wanted to know what I liked her to do. So, I said, "I like it when you..." and started laughing and laughing (while rolling on the floor). After a couple of times doing this, she tried to complete the sentence for me, only instead of saying "laugh", she said very seriously, "control yourself?".

Emily was on the playground and a little boy pushed her down to get to something before her, so she came up to me and said, "Mom? I think that boy's mom forgot to explain to him that girls can be tough." She acted very concerned.

We were playing the wii when I said, "Oh man, I suck at this game!" Emily came and whispered in my ear, "Mom, you're supposed to say I CAN DO IT. You get better at it if you just practice. Don't say you suck, just practice."


"I don't want people to look at me and see a girl who loves pink and all that girlie stuff. I want them to see me and think I'm tough and dusty." - I call her Princess Tough and Dusty now.


Before eating her dinner: "Wait a minute. Does this have any hydrogenated oils in it?"


Said to our friend (who isn't fond of exercise): "I call your butt your anchor."


Emily talking to her friend - "don't go in the garage, I have a demon cat living in there." Her friend - "but your mom is in there" Emily - "yeah, my mom is evil, she can go in there"


While we were driving in the car, there was a fly buzzing around. Emily suddenly said, "Somebody needs to Obama that fly!"


"Mom, don't tell daddy this cause he won't want to have another girl, but when I was outside, I was holding a black widow just for fun. I saw a black spider with a big ball for its butt (abdomen), so I was petting it, then I held it and it was a black widow. But don't worry mom, it didn't bite me or anything." --- probably shouldn't let her be outside without me, huh?


"Mommy, I found a way to watch movies even when I'm not allowed to, and I can't even get in trouble for it!" I sat there with a confused look, "how?" Emily: "I just watch them in my head!"


This was completely random: "Mommy, if you have been looking for a mountain made out of candy, where the trees are even candy, you won't be able to find it. You have to make it yourself. If you really want something like that, you have to just make it, because you won't just find it."


Emily: Mom, what is it that makes babies smell so good? Me: Hmmm, I dunno. They do smell good, don't they? Emily: Maybe it's a scent that makes humans not want to eat their babies?


I was taking a shower one day (I do that sometimes). Emily walked in to tell me something, and there was this long pause. All of a sudden, she pipes up and says, "Wow, it's like washing an elephant."


While on an adventure where we walked through a swamp (well, a shallow river or something, anyway) and some wooded areas... "When I grow up, I'm going to take better care of my kids. I'll never let them around a place like this."


I told Christopher that he was being difficult. Emily pipes up with, "I told you to get rid of him, mom!"


"I love you so much mommy! I love you even with short hair and no matter what shirt you're wearing." ~Emily


Emily: "Mom, you know what the grass is?"
Me: "What is the grass?"
Emily: "The Earth's hair"
Emily: "You know what lava is?"
Me: "No, what is lava?"
Emily: "The Earth's blood."
Emily: "You know what mountains are?"
Me: "What are they?"
Emily: "The Earth's goosebumps! I can't believe you don't know that, mommy!"


Emily does this thing... every now and then, just out of the blue, she'll pop up and say, "mom?" and I HAVE to say, "yes Emily?" and she'll say, "I like you." And I've just been all sentimental about it. So, she says to me the other day, "Sometimes I just say I like you because I forgot what I was going to tell you or I don't know what to say."

When she purchased one of those scented car air fresheners for me, she opened it, smelled it, and said, "Mom, do you like the smell of chemically vanilla?"